La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Slapshot 3 · La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

So as we trundle inevitably to the end of another Tour who has earned the Alternative Awards...nominations....

Most Prolific Whinger
Best Stage (if you can think of one)
The Revelation of the Tour
The Unsung Hero

and of course the Maillot Merde itself

lets have them then..

Bartali

Most Prolific Whinger - Cavendish
Best Stage (if you can think of one) - Stage 17
The Revelation of the Tour - Wiggins
The Unsung Hero - Italian who hung on to the MJ
Maillot Merde - Evans

Geraint

Most Prolific Whinger - Last year's whiner is this year's whiner - Evans (my team sucks, my teammates hate me, dont step on my dog)
Best Stage (if you can think of one) - Stage 15, we actually got some action
The Revelation of the Tour - Wiggins
The Unsung Hero - Kloden dragging Livestrong up the mountain
Maillot Merde - Rogers

kathy

whinger - Cav

Best Stage - 17

Revelation of the Tour - Brice Feillu

Unsung hero - Kenny van Hummel

Maillot Merde - Menchov

Nolte

whinger - Cav

Best Stage - 15 (unless roche wins a stage and then that one)

Revelation of the Tour - Bradley Wiggins

Unsung hero - Kenny van Hummel

Maillot Merde - Menchov

The Lemondheads · Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Most Prolific Whinger
Cavendish is the only one in the running surely. Wins (at least) 4 stages, and still finds time to be massively unsporting about a jersey that 2 days before he wasn't even interested in.

Best Stage (if you can think of one)
Against the odds, Verbier. But hopefully Ventoux.

The Revelation of the Tour
In a few years time we may look back on this being the Tour when Nibali announced his arrival. But for now, Wiggly Wiggins: the man that went from nowhere to being the only rider that actually had Contador briefly worried.

The Unsung Hero
Perflourocarbons.

and of course the Maillot Merde itself
is to be draped over the monstrosity of a bike which his Lanceness will be riding on Sunday. Paint job by Damien Hirst no less.

Honorable mentions to:
Lance Armstrong for pitching up with a yellow lo-pro for the final ITT 'just in case.'
Cadel Evans and Denis Menchov for being the light relief.
The ITV production team for their 'Jens is dead' graphic on Tuesday.
Carlos Sastre just for being a top guy all through the Tour. Loved his comeback at Arcalis. Loved his outspokenness.
Paul Sherwin and Phil Liggett for still being in denial about Floyd Landis' disqualification 3 years ago.
The course designers for proving whatever point it was they were trying to make.
And finally, all the riders for staying off the drugs and giving us not a single positive test all Tour Rolling Eyes

nzovu

Aw, they're all taken. Will anyone count up the score?

Most Prolific Whinger - Cavendish without a doubt. Runners up include guys I normally like, namely Sastre for complaining about not getting respect, and Cancellara for going in a huff about Contador's motorbike pace (could've just laughed it off).

Best Stage (if you can think of one) - Stage 17. IMO one of the best TdF stages for several years in terms of entertainment. A slight compensation for all the boring stages.

The Revelation of the Tour - Yes, Wiggins, although with alarm bells at the back of my head.

The Unsung Hero - I'll be nationalistic and vote for Chris Anker Sorensen who did some pretty good pulling which helped set the stage for the Schlecks. Still very young and his first Tour - keep an eye out for this one.

Maillot Merde - Menchov for sure.

Drongo

Most Prolific Whinger - The Armstrong/Bruyneel double-team by a whisker from Cavendish. At every chance, they sniped about their team leader, although they also sniped about evil Garmin (following Columbia's own whinge), radio-free stages, Sporza, and the price of cigarettes (just made the last one up). Cadel isn't even close on this one.

Best Stage - Brice Feillu's win and his brother's delirious joy.

Revelation of the Tour - Not Nibali. Not after the Giro; he's here already. Wiggins.

Unsung Hero - Kenny van Hummel's praises were sung, I suppose. Goubert, for mine. His efforts on the front were superb.

Maillot Merde - Boonen. Completely anonymous.

headwind · Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

So as we trundle inevitably to the end of another Tour who has earned the Alternative Awards...nominations....

Most Prolific Whinger
Stapleton and Caven-bitch together. Hincrapie showed class.

Best Stage (if you can think of one)
23

The Revelation of the Tour
the parcours does matter

The Unsung Hero
Its ALWAYS Jens. Heal fast amigo.

and of course the Maillot Merde itself
Evans hands down

lets have them then..

Bartali

Liking Geraint's unsung hero .... I'll switch to Kloden. Hardly a mention from the pundits - even now. Yet this guy might have had the podium wrapped up by now had he not had to play nurse maid. Embarrassing to watch a rider of his talent wasted because LA refused to accept that he couldn't win the TdF this year.

Slapshot 3

Most Prolific Whinger: Cadel Evans, for complaining about everything. Honourable Mentions,
Cav/Stapleton - for the DQ affair
Stapleton - The Hincapie not in yellow jersey affair
Stapleton - The WTF are garmin playing at affair
Bruyneel - Why did berto attack affair

Best Stage

Stage 17 - Brilliant day (May change if tomorrow is a blinder)
Honourable mention for Verbier, a cat 1 destroying the field

The Revelation of the Tour - Brad Wiggins who else??
Honourable mentions
Brice Felliue - great first tour
Nicolas Roche - just kept going
Pharmstrong - he's still there at the pointy end despite all our expectations

The Unsung Hero (s) - The AGR team for hanging onto yellow for so long
Honourable mentions
Andreas Kloden - for dragging Rip van Winkle around
Jens - Always Jens just for being Jens
Leipwhiner - for sacrificing his body so we didn't have to watch the snivelling little toerag for the last two weeks
The wee French guy that moonied Armstrong during the TT yesterday

the Maillot Merde - Cadel Evans
Honourable mentions
Dennis Menchov - get some superglue to keep him on the bike
Tom Boonen - for his new invisibility trick
Danniele Bennati - For hiding with Tom Boonen

Other mentions:
The Brown Nose Award for rampant Sychophancy:
Levi Leipheimer - keeping his nose in the bosses crack as always
Dave Harmon - has raised Kleenexes profits by 30%
Liggett/Sherwin - raising kleenexes profits even more

The Tour Comedy Performance
Dennis Menchov - for the unrideable clown bike trick
Cadel Evans - for the silly clown helmet he's been wearing
Liggett/Sherwin - the official comedy commentary
Carlton Kirby - ES's official Jester

The Whatever Were We Thinking Award
Christian Prudhomme and ASO - The parcours
Lance Armstrong and Trek - The stupid bike designs
Mark Cavendish - the Jolly Green Giant Look

Enchantress

Most Prolific Whinger: Cav - he wins 5 stages and is still complaining. I was quite happy with Thor's breakaway the other day showing what the green jersey was about. (honorable mention to Cadel Evans)

Best Stage - Have to say stage 15 with Contadope and the epo coming out of his sweat glands while he set that little record VAM of his. Plus, watching Liestrong get crushed was quite entertaining.

The Revelation of the Tour - undoubtedly, Wiggo.

The Unsung Hero - the one wearing the Nanny jersey, Kloden!

Maillot Merde - this jersey unfortunately has become rather prolific and shared among quite a few:

Phil Leggett & Paul Sherwin - for their all lance, all the time pathetic commentary. Just shameful really.

Pharmstrong - this is a lifetime award of course but this year for his incessant excuses and rationalizations of his performances and politics.

Menchov - exactly why did you even bother show up at the tour mate? Crash test bikes?

Tour organizers - thanks for giving us an absolute shit parcours that made the first 2/3 of the race into a complete bore.

Cadel Evans - so let's get this right, it is your team's fault that you are finishing with the grupetto on easy climbs now?

Johan Brunyeel - this is a yearly award of course.

Superbagneres

My take on it:

Whinger - I do love you Cav, but sometimes less is more, old boy.

Best stage - I'll go for 17.

Revelation - Wiggo of course, along with Brice (how do the French pronounce that?) Feillu, but Vincey Nibs has also gone up in my estimation. I must also add that this is the year which I would have guessed that Andreas "Rollo Tommassi" Kloden would perform an undignified Cadel-like slide down the GC, but his blood is clearly still strong.

The other revelation is that not everything on Twitter is bollocks - I've kept an eye on Wegelius and Wiggo, and it is surprisingly fun to read.

Unsung hero:

Almost all or the riders from the lanterne rouge upwards qualify - great to see Beppu due to finish and still going well in the last week, and I really feel for the Cioleks and Farrars of this world, and even more so for those who ride for them in the sprints - to pick yourself up when knackered and make the effort in what you must strongly suspect is likely to be a lost cause is really admirable.

And Mark Renshaw and Bernhard Eisel - in particular Eisel seems to have gone through two and a half seasons without ever pissing Cav off in any way and, indeed, earning his undying love. What's going on there?

And also surely the commissaire Martin Brujin, without whom the green jersey competition would have been completely ruined by some "Irregular Sprinting".

Maillot Merde:

Paul Sherwen

Christian Prudhomme must be a prime candidate for setting up the incredibly exciting finale we have in store for us tomorrow - just who wll finish third?

As for the riders, yes, Menchov, Evans and Boonen, and is it harsh to mention Carlos Sastre with this lot? I didn't expect him to win but I thought he would creep up the GC by good honest endeavour. His rest day press conference (and btw, shouldn't they just be banned? It's just a chance for riders to talk bollocks they would be better off holding in) showed his mind as being all over the place.

And he's a long way off the Maillot Merde, but Kreuziger was a bit disappointing.

kathy

Mrs John Murphy

Slapshot - you left out the Emanuele Sella Memorial Prize for most obviously doped performance.

The best things come in threes:

Whinger: Frodo, Liestrong, Evans

Best stage - None. 17 and 15 only seem greater because of the dross that preceded them.

Revelation - in a good way - Wiggins, Nibs, Thor
in a bad way - Kloden's return from the dead, Frodo's climbing ability, and that they still haven't busted Dertie/Liestrong

Unsung Heroes - AG2R, Menchov - in some ways it is re-assuring to see a Giro winner doing so badly. I think we would be raising serious eyebrows if he were hanging onto Dertie and the Schlecks. Eisel for some how putting up with Frodo. CVV for burying himself for Wiggins while very quietly creeping into the top ten.

Merde - I can't pick Boonen because he is clearly in a bad way and should never have been riding. Bennati on the other hand... Evans - talked a lot and never delievered. The ASO/UCI for giving us such a shit course to pander to the whims of an old man and for not having the balls to bust them.

Sella - Dertie, Liestrong, Frodo and Kloden

cadence

Mrs John Murphy

Can I ask what tour or stage you think is worthy of a look?

Mrs John Murphy

When I see one I'll tell you. I did quite enjoyed the first stage of the Vuelta Castilla y León this year. Laughing

That one still brings a smile to my face.

I forgot to add another Maillot Merde - Liggett, Sherwen, Harmon and the whole of the English language cycling media for selling out any journalistic credibility they might have had, and instead choosing to be nothing more than cheerleaders and shills.

cadence

first stage of the Vuelta Castilla y León lol
first stage of the Vuelta Castilla y León

Mysterion · Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Most Prolific Whinger - The fans, with good reason.
Best Stage (if you can think of one) - Any of Cav's victory processions.
The Revelation of the Tour - That Fuentes is kicking Ferrari's ass. That they've got nothing on Garmin's Allen Lim, which should really be no surprise.
The Unsung Hero - Sinkewitz for sticking it to Lefevere. Bbox for saving their team.

and of course the Maillot Merde itself - The press and the muppets on the microphones. Prudhomme and the ASO for requesting that the UCI run the testing instead of the AFLD.

One of the big highlights for me this year has been the great emotion we've seen in victory. Voeckler, Haussler, Astarloza, Sorensen along with the great joy Romain Feillu and Andy Schleck have shown for their brothers' wins.

Spoo

Most Prolific Whinger - Its gotta be Cavyou would have thought that the complete domination in winning 5 stages would have been enough to take the high ground and accept the commisaies decision even if it was dodgy. It was all a bit childish really.

Best Stage (if you can think of one) - 17 although hopefully todays will turn into a great stage.

The Revelation of the Tour - Its got to be Wiggins hes still hanging in there despite a number of chances to blow and hes even been taking the initiative and drivin the lead/chase groups up the hill.

Honourable mentions for Brice Feillu, Noncentini, Nibali

The Unsung Hero
The French guys geting in the breaks day after day - Demoulin , Feillu, Fedrigo, Voekler etc.
Columbias lead out guys
Kloden & CVV have been extremely selfless

and of course the Maillot Merde itself
Take your pick from Evans/Menchov/Lefevre at Quick Step for letting/making Boonen ride/Bennati

Also like Mysterion said its been good to see some emotion in stage victors even if the parcours has done its best to take the excitement out of things

Geraint

Chapeaux to:
A Schleck - had burden of carrying Suxobank but exceeded my expectation by aggressive riding and dropping the other GC riders. Clearly the second best now.
F Schleck - best he has ever climbed. Previous years he has looked a bit off the pace, but this year he has been able to keep up with and support his brother a lot of the time. Would be a top three possibility if he ever improved at ITT.
Haussler - big new Australian hope. Time to forget Rogers
Millar - hard to win while riding clean but he is still competitive
Astana doctors - the best there is
Paul/Phil - providing some comic relief during the dull stages by trying to outdo each other in American adulation. The best might have been Phil looking at a gray-faced Livestrong wheezing up to Verbier and praising him for selflessly watching Contador's rivals while Contador made a break for it.
The advertising structure that collapsed on top of Evans.
The podium girl standing on right of Contador after stage 20 today.

Slapshot 3

CapeRoadie

Chapeau to this man:

MS

Thomas Voeckler needs some sort of recognition for finally taking a stage. He's a better rider than many give him credit and I was really happy he got one. He may not quite be this generation's Jacky Durand, but he animates races.

And how anyone could the Maillot Merde to Menchov over Evans confounds me. If nothing else, Cadel's diva act the last few years should make him a shoe-in. "Don't step on my dog?" Who is he, Zsa Zsa Gabor?

Slapshot 3

The Chapeaus

The Biggest Chapeau goes to Brad Wiggins, what a hero giving us someone we can cheer for again.

A smaller one to Cav for the wins, we expected them but you really delivered.

(okay Britain Rules the track but this has thrown British Road cycling right up there, with Brad, Cav and Nicole all outstanding and a number of world class youngsters coming along behind them, has there been a better time to be a British cycling fan)

Berto for giving the proverbial two fingers to Pharmstrong and the Hog despite everything theyv'e done to undermine his chances.

The French riders who made every break and gave the French some pride back, "Mention in Dispatches" to Thomas Voeckler, Perrick Fedrigo and Brice Felliu

Nicholas Roche who did just about everything possible to take a stage ofter working his bollocks off for Nocentini

Sean Kelly & Stephen Roche for being a voice of reason during the Tour when all around them was falling to rampant sycophancy

Ag2r for the work they did hanging onto Yellow

The French People who make the spectacle of the tour what it is, no matter what we think, it is a huge thing to have the Tour in or near their town and you can tell every one of them appreciates it.

...and a Sarky one

To Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel for remiding us what a complete pair of Cocks they are and why the sport would be so much better off without them

70kmph

Slapshot 3

I'm going throw another bigger Chapeau in here after reading some of the shit that's been going on in Astana through the Tour.

Berto - For single handly winning the tour when all sround you were doing their best to sabotage you efforst

Ralphnorman

I'll give a chapeau to Nolte for the most fearless predicitions of this years tour Cool

La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards

Re: La Maillot Merde and other alternative Awards